A letter to my niece: As she walks through the valley of the “big heartbreak”

By
Crystal
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2

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My darling niece, what can I say to you as you walk through this valley of the “big heartbreak?” I can tell you I have been there and I know you are hurting- that you can barely breathe. I know that desperate, hopeless feeling. These words are written to you as a hug from me.

  • I promise you will get through this and it will get better. You won’t die from this broken heart, even if it feels like you might.
  • You will meet someone new, when you are ready.
  • Take some time to find yourself again. It is so easy to lose ourselves in someone else.
  • Date but date you. All that money and time you would spend on a significant other… spend that money and time on yourself. It’s okay to buy yourself flowers or to treat yourself to that movie you have been wanting to see.
  • Please be aware of the danger of romantic comedies- yeah, I said it- THE DANGER! What porn is to men, romantic comedies can be to women. Life is not a Nicholas Sparks movie. There is no hero that will show up when you are down, broken or blue. No one can save you or rescue you out of your situation, your depression, your loneliness or your isolation. There is no person  that will ever be able to love you out of your own brokenness, nor can you love someone out of theirs.
  • Which brings me to- You can’t “save” someone. Missionary dating (as my mom always called it) will leave you down a dramatic road with all signs pointing to a broken heart. Don’t go there, no matter how tempting it may be.
  • Always know that no matter how deep the connection is or how much the separation hurts, it is better to be single than in a toxic relationship.
  • Be kind to your “best friend.” You know the one. The one that is hopelessly in love with you but you have only a platonic love for. The one that picks you up when you are down. The self-esteem booster. Remember that while he may be boosting your self-esteem you are killing his.
  • Guard your heart- NOT follow your heart. Be picky, crazy picky. Don’t give away your heart, your body- your beauty, unless the person you are giving it to is committed to protecting the gift you are offering.  You also must be willing to do the same. There will always be someone better, brighter, more attractive. The grass is greenest where you water it.
  • If you do entrust your heart to the wrong person, don’t get bitter. Let go, move on, and forgive.

My darling girl, you are WORTHY! You are worth it. I am sorry for every person that told you through their words or actions that you are worthless. I am sorry for every rejection, lecture, sermon, song, ad, VS runway show that gave you a false message. You are worth moving mountains for. You are worth waiting for. You are worth changing for. You. Are. Worthy.

I love you beautiful girl and I believe in you. I believe you can do hard things. I believe you are valuable. I believe you are an over-comer. I believe you are not who they say you are. I believe that your life will be different. I support you. I am on your side and I will fight for you.

Love,

Auntie

XOXO

 

What pieces of advice would you add? What advice do you wish someone would have given you?

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Crystal
Crystal
After growing up in this city and as a Colorado native, Crystal has a deep love for these mountains, especially 'that mountain' and cherishes our symphonic sunsets. When she is not playing in our purple mountain backyard, teaching high school, taking classes at the University of Denver or happily engaged in the daily banalities, Crystal enjoys any excuse to dress up; She likes to go to the theater, laugh at comedy clubs, and of course, she loves girls’ nights out (regardless if that is with her girlfriends or her daughters.) She listens to old school rap, 90’s music or songs a little too ‘dramatic’ while lifting weights, and country music while cooking/baking. Although the mountains are her home, she is more of a sunshine and water kind of girl; summer is her absolute favorite season. She is the single mama to her two darling daughters. The three of them spend their time engrossed in dance parties, reading one more story and they always find the time to cuddle and laugh about everything and absolutely nothing. She is excited to share glimpses of her life with you. She assures you that by no means is she perfect; she is simply a mother trying to fiercely love her children, her people and her community. Oh, and of course—GO Pioneers, Broncos, Rockies, Avalanche, Nuggets and Sky Sox!

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2 COMMENTS

  1. You give such great advice. Your girls are so lucky to have you and so is your niece! Every middle school and high school student could benefit from this!(many adults too)

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