Ha! I was really hoping that this title would grab your attention! While I do want to touch briefly on the intimacy aspect the word “quickie” typically applies to, I think that in these busy days with little ones and hectic family schedules, this word also applies to other ways of helping you and your partner to stay connected:
A Quick Gesture
Often in the middle of caring for our little darlings, and even our big darling, we can forget to do the small things that can mean so much. For instance, our family dinner table with our four children is not usually a serene setting. I have three teen boys and a very talkative girl. It is loud and chaotic. I love it when my husband, Shawn, looks at me and winks. This small, barely noticeable gesture means so much to me. This gesture conveys that what our days may lack in candlelight and romance, he still notices ME and that he still sees who he fell in love with all those years ago. Maybe you and your partner could come up with a small gesture or sign to give to each other that conveys something similar.
A Quick Check-In
It is important to find a quiet time to check in with each other. By asking questions about each other’s schedules for the week, you help to assure that you are there for each other for the big things and the little ones. After you both compare schedules, a good follow-up question is, “What do you need from me this week?” Their response will help you to know what your partner is struggling with or something that they need help with. This brief check-in encourages you and your partner to not lose touch with each other in the days where it is difficult to even complete a sentence or hold on to a cohesive thought.
A Quick Embrace
When your partner comes home from work, etc., it’s temping to think of them as relief from caring for the children. That’s understandable. However, I encourage you to first take the time to give them a quick hug or kiss. This lets them know that you missed them and are glad they are home. When my boys were little, I was terrible about doing this simple thing. I was so worried that the house was a mess, or that dinner wasn’t done, or was just trying to survive the witching hour, that I barely acknowledged his arrival. I know now that he did not even care about these little things. But when I acted mad or frustrated that he was home, it hurt his feelings. I think that the first 5 minutes once they arrive home, truly sets the tone for the rest of the evening. Also, it helps to remember to give your partner a quick break to transition from their long day/car ride/etc. before they have to fill the shoes of parent again.
A Quick Explanation
Communication is critical in a partnership. Unfortunately, it is very easy to misinterpret. What may seem to you to be a completely innocent comment can be taken the wrong way, and before you know it, can lead to fight. It’s important to tell your partner how their comments or actions made you feel, instead of keeping quiet and holding a grudge. Being honest can clear up confusion and resolve hurt feelings before they spiral. My husband and I used to be King and Queen Grudge Holder. We could go a whole weekend without speaking or calling a truce. Luckily, as we’ve matured, we’ve realized that this does not solve the problem and makes everyone uncomfortable.
A Quick Romp
On to the title of this blog, just go for it! So many of my friends think that they can’t have sex unless everything is just right. The right setting, the right mood, the right amount of leg hair. This isn’t a movie (even a cheesy Lifetime Movie) and those moments can be few and far between. It’s good sometimes to put all the romance aside. To find a hidden place, and just aim for a quick re-connection. This activity can add some fun and some spice to an otherwise routine day, and man will your partner appreciate you! It helps you both to feel secure in your relationship even among the chaos. It also ensures your children sense that you are a united team which adds to their sense of security.
I hope this list has helped you to re-think the meaning of the infamous “Q” Word and that you make it a point to put some of these tips into practice very soon. Tell us, how do you and your partner stay connected in the busyness of raising kids? Or even keep the love alive?