To the Moms Offering Advice By Writing to All of the Other Moms

To the Moms Offering Advice By Writing to All of the Other Moms,

You don’t know me, but I feel like you may have seen my face somewhere out and about. Sometimes, I am the mom who has a kid throw a tantrum in the store. It is not uncommon for me to be the mom who is short-tempered with her children at the gym. On occasion, I am the mom who looks like she is one crunched up cracker away from having a meltdown. You have all written so many letters–if only there was a shoe box big enough to hold them all! Most of your letters, blog posts, Facebook status updates, etc. start out the same. You know, “Dear Mom Who (Fill in the blank with whatever you witnessed that day): I See You.”

Really? If you saw me, why didn’t you say hi? I could have used a simple hello or a reassuring glance that I wasn’t completely screwing up this mothering gig, even if it was from a stranger in the mall. Or if you could tell I was at my wits end, why didn’t you offer a hand? Or perhaps an across-the-Kroger-aisle fist bump? Instead, you locked eyes with me and quickly looked away, not wanting to engage at the moment. But now here you are. Writing a letter to me from the comfort of your home or a nearby cafe.

Instead of writing letters to other moms you see, how about you try to talk to them? For example:

• When you see a mom struggling through her day with unruly children, offer to help her out. Or at least make eye contact, smile, and give her a thumbs up for the hard work she is doing.
• When you hear a mom struggle to understand her four year old who clearly has a speech delay, don’t write a letter to her two days later telling her you understand how she feels. Tell her in that moment that you know how hard it is to watch your child be behind others in their age group. Tell her that it’s normal to be concerned, but also tell her that things will be okay.
• When you see a mom breastfeeding her child, don’t run home to your laptop to compose an epistle to her about why what you witnessed was beautiful and that you know it takes hard work and dedication on her part. Tell her right then and there that you admire what she is doing. Note: If she is bottle feeding and you disagree with how she is feeding her child, keep your mouth (and your computer) shut.
• When you encounter an obtuse person at the grocery store who casually looks into your grocery cart and after noticing your three children all under four-years old rudely asks, “Wow. You do know what causes that, right?” Don’t leave in a huff to write a scathing letter to the Facebook world. Use that time to empower yourself and reply, “Yep, I do. Lots and lots of sex. Jealous?” Just as it’s important to affirm other women face-to-face, it’s also important to affirm yourself. Stand up and be bold in your day-to-day interactions, and resist the urge to hide behind your anonymous computer screen. Doing so is incredibly empowering.

Moms Offering Advice to All of the Other Moms:

Look, I know you mean well and are just using the internet as a platform for your voice. All I’m asking is that if you do find yourself writing a letter to a struggling, confused, really fertile, etc. mom that you also find yourself taking a risk and speaking words of encouragement to her. It’s always a bit scary putting yourself out there, but many of us struggle with the same issues, and offering immediate solidarity to each other goes farther than writing a random letter that a mom you witnessed will likely never even see. And as I was reminded yesterday, as I read to my son from one of Aesop’s fables, The Lion and the Mouse, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Offering immediate solidarity and encouragement won’t get you as many virtual “likes.” It will, however, bring smiles to real faces and hearts, something more valuable than anything encountered in the virtual world.

Signed,

Just Another Mom…Who Ironically is Writing to Other Moms