Somebody asked if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said I used to. From day one, we were thick as thieves, our friendship knew no bounds. Our history is so intertwined that I have memories that I’m not sure are mine or yours.
We Had THAT Kind of Friendship
When I think of my past, there’s always you. Our friendship was the kind people envied, the kind people write about. Whenever I needed you, you were there.
You were the Rory to my Lane, the Blair to my Serena, the Cristina to my Meredith.
We spent all night talking about our lives and where we would be when we turned 25. We thought things would always be the same. College, weddings, futures—we talked about it all. We imagined what our husbands and kids would be like. And we swore that they would grow up to be best friends like us, or else.
We made it through the terrible relationships, the months and miles apart, and even my punk rock days. We fell apart, picked up the pieces and never lost our stride. You always knew exactly what to say, and when to keep it to yourself. I thought we were a circle, a friendship that would never end. It never crossed my mind that there would be a day that I wouldn’t know everything about you. Looking back now, you are one of my best memories.
Life got in the way. Or at least that’s what I tell people.
It felt like our military life became an inconvenience to our friendship. That because I was out of sight, I was out of mind, too. It was like you stopped caring, and after a while, I guess I just stopped trying. Our lives have taken separate paths now, and I’ve accepted that the life we live doesn’t always make sense to everyone. I’ve learned that the military puts strain on relationships and that sometimes it takes more than it gives. I think it’s easier to blame the military for our lost friendship than it is to believe that we chose this.
There are days that I wish we could swallow our pride and accept the apologies we’ll never give each other. There are times that I wish I could call you and hear that familiar voice. Days that I would love to smother your baby in cuddles and hear about how being a mom is going. It’s hard to believe that we’re both mothers, and even harder to believe our kids will never be friends. I know that there are people who are part of your life for a season, but I never thought you and I were one of those relationships.
Now what I know about you is from glimpses of your life through social media. I know you’re the friend my kids will hear about but never really know. You’ll always be the friend I thought they would call aunt. They’ll see pictures of you and ask who you are. I’ll smile and say that we were best friends in a different life.