Hey you, new mom. You had a baby recently or you are finally holding your prayed-for-and-adopted child in your arms. You’re a jumble of emotions—excitement and fear and wonder and maybe even sadness. While you’re thrilled to have a little one in your arms, you’re overwhelmed with the responsibility. I get it. Welcome to the hardest, most stretching, most rewarding, most beautiful thing you’ll ever do. Motherhood is all superlatives and sometimes even a choice expletive here and there.
Lately when I see a momma with a newborn, I get a strong urge to hug her, hand her a plate of oatmeal cookies and ask how she’s doing. Since it would be weird for me to go around hugging every stranger with a baby, I have compiled my top advice for new moms. If I see you in a grocery store and linger awkwardly a little too long, this is what I’m trying to hold back telling you.
Motherhood is Fluid
As a first time mom, I just wanted to “figure it out.” I wanted to feel like I knew what I was doing. I wanted to have some sort of permanent “I got this” vibe. While confidence grew in many areas and I learned to adapt to the challenges of being a mother, I realized that most of us moms, in every stage, are still just trying to figure it out. You see, children are ever-changing. Their whims, their needs, their developments and capabilities—everything changes moment by moment. Motherhood is fluid because you must flow with the variation in your child’s shifting landscape of a growing life. Teething and broken schedules and health issues and fresh developments and behavioral struggles and wonderful milestones. Mothers are the ones who must shift and figure out what works in each stage. You will wake up one day and feel like you know what you’re doing… and then things will change. The child will grow. Their capabilities will leap again and you’ll need to adjust. The important thing is that you are consistent; you show up and do your best every day although you might not know what to expect.
Motherhood is More About the Mother Than the Child
I know that sound backwards. Shouldn’t we be putting the children first? you ask. Let me explain.
Children imitate behaviors more than what they are taught. The saying goes that children will do what we do, not what we tell them to do. We can try to teach them a behavior or attitude, but if Mom is modeling an opposite behavior, they will pick up on the hypocrisy with lighting speed and do what Mom does. It’s frighteningly obvious the first time you hear a snarky phrase fly past rosy button lips. Sometimes it’s cute; sometimes it’s not.
Motherhood is largely about you as a mother in many ways because your attitudes, preferences and behaviors will be copied by the little ones following you around. So take the time each day to make sure you’re being your best you. Do what it takes to be kind, considerate, helpful, non-judgmental, honest—because the best you will produce the best them.
Motherhood is Unique
You can do this. God gave you that gorgeous little one and He designed you for the task of raising him or her. However, your style and method of mothering won’t look like your neighbor’s or that mom on Instagram whom you secretly adore. It shouldn’t look the same. You are uniquely YOU. Your strongest mothering emerges when you are honoring who you are, what your passions are, and living in the joy of being authentic. You will fall into a routine or rhythm of what works for your family. You’ll find your own groove. Own it. Celebrate it. And mother with the fierce color placed inside you alone.
Congratulations, new momma. Welcome to the tribe of trillions before us who took on the task of raising little human beings. I seriously do wish that I could hug you, coo over your sweet new child and eat cookies with you. Remember my advice for new moms: motherhood is fluid, motherhood is more about you than the child, and your motherhood is unique.
Truly, you got this.
