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Being a Mom Without My Mom

This April, my mom would have been 58. I can imagine her complaining about being another year older, but all the while, loving her time with her children and grandchildren.

I had a wonderful mom.

She had a difficult childhood, but used that experience as fuel to make my brother’s and my childhood exceptional. She stayed home with us even when it was financially challenging for my parents. And then, to ease the financial burden, she opened up a small daycare. Eventually, when my brother and I were in elementary school, she worked as a preschool teacher. 

Taken Too Soon

However wonderful she was, tragically, at the vibrant age of 48, she was unexpectedly diagnosed with advanced colon cancer and passed away less than six months later. My family was devastated. My dad, married to his one and only love for 28 years, was lost. I was just beginning medical school and my life was a whirlwind. 

It’s been a decade since she’s been here with us.

My life has changed so much. I am now married and have a three-year-old son. My brother is also married with two lovely daughters and a son on the way. Every day, I think about my mother and what life would have been like with her here. How much easier would it be to parent if I had her to guide me through it. I have a million questions for her. A million times when I wish she could be with my son and my nieces. 

My Best Friend

She wasn’t just my mom; she was my best friend. I told her everything. We spent time together, and our relationship as two adults was only beginning to blossom when she passed.

I don’t mean this to be a sob story, but more of an awareness of what it means to be a mom and have your mom with you at the same time. I am not able to call when I’m worried about my son. And I am not able to share my son’s accomplishments with her and revel in my pride. I am not able to watch her hold him and laugh and play with him. I am not able to thank her for all she did for me as a mom; the true appreciation of the sacrifices your parents made are only truly realized after you have become a parent yourself.

So with Mother’s Day approaching, let’s thank the moms. Whether they are here with us or have passed on, remember all the struggles that you have faced as a mom, they faced too, and they loved you and cherished you through it all.

I may not have my mom physically with me, but I make sure my son knows her through me, and will hopefully grow to share her love, passion and grace. 

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