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An Open Letter to the Parent Who Tried to Bully Me

I’ve taken some time to cool down since you accused my son of deliberately attacking your child and destroying her glasses. Without gathering any facts, you suggested that my son intentionally hurt your child.  And then, you attempted to bully me.

Since the incident, I have had some time to think about the way you contacted me, what you said, and the end result. I would like to share my thoughts with you, and other parents out there. 

Appropriate Authorities

When an incident transpires at school, or at a child care facility, I’d suggest allowing the appropriate authorities to handle it.

In this case, you came directly to me, under the guise of keeping my child “out of trouble” at school. The problem was that our children had completely different stories about the incident. It’s impossible for us to know the absolute truth. We weren’t there and neither one of us is in a position where it’s appropriate to question other children on the playground. I’m certainly not getting into some investigation at recess. Next time, let’s allow the persons responsible for our children to sort it out. 

If something intentional takes place, they will get the parents involved. That’s their job.

Get the Facts Before Jumping to Conclusions

As it turns out, the incident in question was deemed to be an accident. Just as I suspected after I asked my child about it. Our childcare provider became involved and asked several other children what they witnessed. It was not a vindictive or intentional act. The thing is that children play, and sometimes they play rough. Admittedly, rougher than they should. The damage to her glasses was unfortunate.

Next time, do your research.

Think Before You Write

When you tell me “I’m not calling your child dishonest, but…” you’ve just called my child dishonest.

Nothing gets a fierce mama bear riled up like someone badmouthing her kid. This was the point where I knew I must disengage with your passive aggressive behavior. I can only imagine your reaction if I had called your child names. Next time, please think about how you describe someone else’s child before you put words on paper.

Don’t Bully

Don’t try to bully other parents.  Your communication with me seemed to be an attempt to gain financially from the situation. You weren’t so forward in your first message, but your second email clearly laid out your desire for a “financial solution.”  You would let me know the cost of new lenses, you wrote.

Once you learned it was an accident, you told me that you had insurance. Your request for money, and then your quick back-peddling still confuses me. If I was afraid of you, I may have just forked over some money, hoping to sweep your anger towards my child under the rug. Next time, don’t be a bully.

Teach Respect

Please don’t tell your daughter that if my son is mean to her it means he likes her. Maybe I am a bit too progressive here, but I believe that our children need a strong foundation upon which to build relationships. I certainly have never encouraged my son to be mean to anyone, let alone a girl!

The tone we set in our house is to respect everyone. Next time, consider that these comments normalize abusive relationships in the future. 

Two Sides to Every Story

At the time, I chose to simply ignore you. I didn’t respond to your request for financial assistance, or your apology once the child care provider determined the event an accident. It wasn’t worth the argument, and I was extremely angry. However, I do feel compelled to let you know that I understand where you are coming from. I, too, will defend my children, right their wrongs and do all I can to make sure they feel safe and supported. But I also check facts and do my research. I don’t accuse and I certainly don’t bully.

My hope is that you, and other parents, will think it through the next time there’s an incident between your child and someone else. When they blame another kid, remember there are two sides to every story. I promise to do the same. But also know that your passive aggressive and accusatory behavior doesn’t threaten me.

Sincerely,

The mom you tried to bully

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